BEIGE BOXING Finally, you can experience the power of climbing up phone poles and tapping into telephone lines! Whereas you previously had to stand outside and nervously clip your homemade lineman's handset into a dangerous tangle of wires, now you merely motion with your Nunchuck and listen to the banal conversations of suburbanites through the tinny Wii(tm) speaker!
PHONE DIALING Now that everyone has programmed phone numbers into their cellular skype headset hiptop mashups, the era of trying over and over to get onto a BBS by hand is basically gone. Relive those incredible wasted hours of calling BBS numbers with your Wiimote(tm). Available for both Touch-Tone(tm) and Pulse/Rotary simulation. (Sorry, no person-to-person Operator available).
DOING CRAZY SHIT Nowadays, you've grown incredibly attached to your fingers, face and ambulatory abilities, but back then, people just obviously didn't care a whit. Use your Nunchuck(tm) and Wiimote(tm) together to combine things that even a first-year chemistry major would scream at you not to attempt (via a bullhorn, between 500 and 1000 feet away).
WARDIALING This motion isn't actually related to wardialing, but if you make even the slightest little terrorism joke these days, people shit a brick contained inside yet another, bigger brick of shit. So let's claim this is just someone wardialing, where you use your Wiimote to hold an entire Apple Warez group hostage... I mean, dial a lot of numbers.
READING It's not quite clear how much this actually changes the experience of reading a book, but reading a book is now WII-ENHANCED!!!!!
EROTICA Finally, the last barrier to true enjoyment of the EROTICA section of textfiles.com has been breached! Putting your Wiimote(tm) in a very special and memorable place and then pressing various controls on your Nunchuck(tm) will ensure that when a bunch of people in situations ranging from a poolside to a camping trip to a spacewalk spontaneously decide to procreate, you are right there with them. Warning: In some states and territories, this is a violation of local law and scripture. Please check with the authorities or (alternatively) lock your doors and draw your shades.