TEXTFILES.COM has continued its unique skill of being the latest
adopter of technology and trends, with our new enhanced support for
the Nintendo Wii(tm)!
While there's a lot to be said for simply reading the many fine
textfiles available
on the site, merely browsing the collection lacks the feel of the
era these files represent. By plugging in your Nintendo Wii(tm) and
browsing to textfiles.com, an entire new dimension of the Bulletin Board
System will be made available to you!
Allow site proprietor Jason Scott
to demonstrate the flexibility and immersion of this new site feature.
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BEIGE BOXING
Finally, you can experience the power of
climbing up
phone poles and tapping into telephone lines! Whereas you previously
had to stand
outside and nervously clip your
homemade
lineman's handset into a dangerous tangle of wires, now you merely
motion with your Nunchuck and listen to the
banal conversations of
suburbanites through the tinny Wii(tm) speaker!
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PHONE DIALING
Now that everyone has programmed phone numbers into their cellular skype
headset hiptop mashups, the era of trying over and over to get onto a BBS
by hand is basically gone. Relive those incredible wasted hours of
calling BBS numbers with your
Wiimote(tm). Available for both Touch-Tone(tm) and Pulse/Rotary simulation.
(Sorry, no person-to-person Operator available).
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DOING CRAZY SHIT
Nowadays, you've grown incredibly attached to your fingers, face and
ambulatory abilities, but back then, people just obviously didn't care
a whit. Use your Nunchuck(tm) and Wiimote(tm) together to combine
things that even a first-year chemistry major would scream at you not
to attempt (via a bullhorn, between 500 and 1000 feet away).
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WARDIALING
This motion isn't actually related to
wardialing, but if you make even
the slightest little terrorism joke these days, people shit a brick
contained inside yet another, bigger brick of shit. So let's claim this
is just someone wardialing, where you use your Wiimote to hold an
entire Apple Warez group hostage... I mean, dial a lot of numbers.
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READING
It's not quite clear how much this actually changes the experience of
reading a book, but reading a book is now WII-ENHANCED!!!!!
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EROTICA
Finally, the last barrier to true enjoyment of the
EROTICA section of
textfiles.com has been breached! Putting your Wiimote(tm) in a very
special and memorable place and then pressing various controls on
your Nunchuck(tm) will ensure that when a bunch of people in
situations ranging from a poolside to a camping trip to a spacewalk
spontaneously decide to procreate, you are right there with them.
Warning: In some states and territories, this is a violation of
local law and scripture. Please check with the authorities or
(alternatively) lock your doors and draw your shades.
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